i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
