u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
