your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
