Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
