there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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