if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
