Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
