evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
