I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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