You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
