ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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