i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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