dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
we should paint friendship bongs
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
