"it" just moved
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
