Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
