Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Sorry about my life...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize