it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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