neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
