I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
