never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
