The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
