i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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