I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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