Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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