Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
