just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
