so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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