Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize