yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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