she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
