I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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