There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
