Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
