He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
