Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
