It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
