Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just googled if crying burns calories
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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