I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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