omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
