who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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