winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
