I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Someone shattered a urinal.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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