Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
