My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
