you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
