look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
