You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
