Can Purell be used as lube?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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