it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
