I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
