I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
