When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
