in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
