I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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