oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
nutella sex= disaster
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
