Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
