Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
