I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
