he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize