Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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