In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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