Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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