Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
