I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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