I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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