apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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