I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
