gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
two words...techno handjob
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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