Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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