He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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