and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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