when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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