I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
