wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
