She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
