Non-Jews are for practice
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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