guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
