I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
