Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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