Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
