hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
