her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
