grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
