My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize